I admit it, I’m a fan of ratchet reality. The first step in fixing a problem is admitting you have one. I am well aware of the drama and negative images that ratchet reality displays. But its just so damn entertaining!!!
Lately though, the plot lines and drama have become a little monotonous. The champagne throwing, hair pulling, parking lot fighting and unfaithful men/women in relationships can only stimulate my college educated mind for so long. The best cure for this fading reality show formula is to put people in these shows who are actually relevant.
The Love & Hip Hop: Relevant Edition (LHHRE) cast should include:
Jay Z & Beyonce: The most accomplished married couple in the history of hip hop should definitely be cast in the most relevant edition of ratchet reality. Cameras will follow around Jay and Bey as they sit at home and watch awards shows they are too good to attend. Also as we get a sneak peak into their home life, we get to find out how Blue Ivy really feels about the fact that her hair has never been combed. Finally, we get to see the conflict between Jay and Bey as Memphis Bleek spends one too many nights sleeping on the couch. Bleek tries to make it up to the Carters by making his famous Memphis meatloaf and babysitting Blue Ivy as Jay and Bey dance on a random beach.
Drake: The hottest artist in the industry lets us follow him around as his hotline bling’s and he coats his bread with truffle butter. Drake’s main story line will include his new goal of trying to bench press more than Serena Williams. Their relationship takes a turn for the worst when Serena catches Drake working out with Ronda Rousey as Worst Behavior plays in the background. The fight that ensues between Serena and Ronda rivals that of Iron Man and the Hulk. The ground shakes and buildings collapse. Drake tries to break up the fight but ends up with a horrible spinal injury that confines him to a wheel chair (sound familiar).
Fetty Wap: The New Jersey native with the permanent wink, lets us follow is meteoric rise in the hip hop industry. Fetty lets cast mate Beyonce help him find his Trap Queen after a lifetime of casual dating. On one of Fetty’s first blind dates (couldn’t help it) he is set up with Taylor Swift. Fetty and Swift connect instantly. Trap Luv ensues as the couple playfully argues over who’s song was number one on iTunes the longest. Unfortunately, like many ratchet reality relationships, Swift leaves Fetty when she finds out his eye has been wandering. Swift pops up unexpectedly at 1738 Trap Avenue and finds Fetty in bed with one of the girls from the Hotline Bling video.
Dej Loaf: The female version of Big Sean rounds out our cast. Dej will let us into her remarkable ability to rap off beat and still sell records. Deja is introduced to Lil Kim by Jay Z to help her find her way in the industry as a rising female star. The relationship sours when Dej spends the night drinking Hennessy and mistakes Kim for a human size cat like alien creature. Dej is brought back to reality by being shown pictures of Kim from 1996.
(Meek Mill and Nicki Minaj did not return phone calls to join the show once they discovered Drake had already been cast)